Tamarah Leanne

2007-07-24T20:18:00.000-06:00

If there was no empty
we would not know full
If there was not darkness
Light could not be seen
If we knew not heat
We'd know not cold
If pain did not break us
Then Love would have nothing to mend.

2007-05-20T17:00:00.000-06:00

Confused
Empty
Tired
Worn Out
In Need
Wondering
Wanting
More
Could There Be?
More...

Wandering
Weary
Uncertain
Mixed Up
Thirsty
Hungry
Longing
Yearning
More
Could There Be?
More...

Michele's Shower

2007-05-12T23:03:00.000-06:00

Where Are You?

2007-01-29T20:11:00.000-06:00

Sometimes we think God's not listening to our prayers. Sometimes we argue that God's not faithful like he says he is. We doubt his love for us and his ability to provide for us. We loose faith, we stop trusting. We become impatient. Why hasn't God healed my mom? Why do I STILL not have a job? How am I gonna make this months rent? Why do I never get hours at work? How come you haven't answered THIS prayer yet? Where are you? Have you abandoned me?
...These questions or more likely, doubts, run through our minds all day. Yes, they're real issues...they're big issues, and they're even fair complaints. But are they neccissary? Do we give the God of Isreal enough credit? The God who faithfully brought the Isrealites out of Egypt and out from under the hand of Pharaoh. The God who helped David kill Goliath. The God, who out of love, sent his one and only Son to die for YOU. The God who created your inmost being, who laid out the path ahead of you before you were even born. Do we give Him Enough credit?

I've been looking for a job for just about a month now. I strongly dislike looking for work. And after a month of it I've started to think, "Okay God, I know you provide, but really...where's that job you promised?" And everytime I questioned God with this, He softly whispered in my ear..."Trust me, I know what's best for you". Well, last week thursday I got a phone call from Russ Reid saying there was a temporary job availiable for the following week starting monday thru to friday. I was to call Chelsea at Parr Autobody. So I called her and she asked me "would you mind coming in for us? It'd be a huge help." So of course I took the job. And although it's just for a week, it just proves to me that GOD PROVIDES! So let's give God the credit He deserves!

And if any of you have stories of how God Provides, or how he's done so for you...please comment!!

A Tribute to Maegan...

2007-01-11T21:38:00.000-06:00

Maegan, I Love You! For REAL!!!

Tamarah.

Catching up...

2006-12-29T20:19:00.001-06:00

Well, I've been home for almost 2 weeks now...crazy!! It feels like I was on the ship yesterday sometimes, and other days it just feels like I never even left home. So far I've just been hanging out with my dear Ryan, spending time with family, eating too much turkey, making new memories with Bestie and enjoying some time with friends. And it's been quite fun and quite interesting at times! On monday I will begin the wonderful journey of looking for a job...oh the real world. In some ways it's exciting to me to be "back at it", but there are days when I wish I could just go off and staff a school for YWAM like all my other crazy YWAMer friends are doing. I'm terribly distraught that my dear Maegan is leaving me again...(why God?!?!). I'm forcing myself to come to terms with the fact that our lives will mostly be spent on opposite ends of the world...how convenient! But in the end I know that God is good and he has everyone's best interest at hand...guess we'll have to see what exciting adventures he has planned for me in the years to come!! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, take care and God Bless!!

Heaps of Love,
Tam.

"I'll be home for Christmas..."

2006-12-11T01:41:00.000-06:00

(Me and Gracie)

Hey Everyone!! Well, I'm back in New Zealand!! Outreach was amazing...I posted some pictures in my last post...check them out! Tonga is incredibly beautiful, the people are amazing and we had a blast. We spent a month in the beautiful island of Vava'u...we spent our time doing ministry in a local church called New Life. The people of New Life became our family. I also had the oppertunity to be a part of the worship team (including leading worship on our last sunday there with the church's worship band) and I preached a full sermon the second last sunday we were with them! Leaving was hard...but hopefully I'll get to go back someday! Now I'm back on the ship...graduation is in 3 days, then I have 3 days of relaxing in New Zealand before I leave for home! See you all soon!!

Heaps of Love,
Tam.

Some Recent Photos

2006-12-11T01:13:00.000-06:00

Nuku Island
Robbie and baby Mele
"Puaka" and I at Christmas Dinner (in NZ)
My sweet little friend Linda...
Nuku Island again

Tonga

2006-11-04T15:52:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone! I'm in Tonga, it's really pretty here!! The people are amazing, they're so friendly and they have really taken care of us here on the YWAM base in Lafalafa. In 2 days we are leaving for Vava'u...it's a smaller island and is an 18 hour boat ride away...so me and gravel will be spending a lot of time together during that boat ride. I've been told that we are staying in our own house in Vava'u for the 4 weeks we will be there. It's really close to the ocean and apparently a 5 minute walk to the beach. We will be working alongside a church there in Vava'u, and I've been told we are responsible for the sunday morning services at the church for the 4 weeks we are there!! So that should be fun and interesting! So far here in Tongatapu (the main island where the Lafalafa Base is), we have been doing a lot of primary school programs...they usually consist of a few songs, a testimony and one or two dramas. It's been a lot of fun and the kids are really amazing!! Almost everywhere we go the kids ask me if I am "Princess Mia"...from the movie The Princess Diaries...she's also known as Anne Hathaway in real life. This past friday I broke 1 or 2 of my toes, and scrapped up my knee and my elbow. We were playing tag with the kids at one of the primary schools and I was running hard after one of the boys (in a long denim skirt...) and I totally biffed it. I felt a little ridiculous and thankfully only a few people noticed. So now I just have a limp when I walk...but we are praying that my toes will heal quickly. Please continue to pray for our team, that God would use us in powerful ways, and that he would guide us wherever we go!! That's all for now!! Take Care and God Bless!!

Heaps of Love,
Tam.

Psalm 86

2006-10-15T16:43:00.000-06:00

1 Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer

answer me, for I need your help

2 Protect me, for I am devoted to you.

Save me, for I serve you and trust you.
You are my God.
3 Be merciful to me, O Lord,
for I am calling on you constantly.
4 Give me happiness, O Lord,
for I give myself to you.
5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.
6 Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord;
hear my urgent cry.
7 I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble,
and you will answer me.

8 No pagan god is like you, O Lord.
None can do what you do!
9 All the nations you made
will come and bow before you, Lord;
they will praise your holy name.
10 For you are great and perform wonderful deeds.
You alone are God.

11 Teach me your ways, O Lord,
that I may live according to your truth!
Grant me purity of heart,
so that I may honor you.
12 With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God.
I will give glory to your name forever,
13 for your love for me is very great.
You have rescued me from the depths of death.^[a]

Bitter-sweet goodbye

2006-10-14T17:05:00.000-06:00

Caro (my danish friend) and I

Well, I leave for Tonga in less than a week. And although it's exciting, it's also sad to think of leaving more than half of the people i've spent the past 3 months with. My friend Caro is one of the people I will have to leave. Last night we danced and ate cake and watched Braveheart together...and in some ways it feels like i'm just starting to get to know a lot of the people here, and already I'll be leaving them behind! I know that all of us will have amazing times on our outreach and that God will do amazing things in us and through us. I'm looking forward to coming back to New Zealand after outreach and sharing all our stories and experiences with eachother...but only a week after we get home we'll all have to say good-bye once again. There have been a lot of hard times through these past three months that I've been here in New Zealand, but God has taught me so much through them and blessed me in return. I'm grateful that I was able to come here and get to know so many wonderful people from around the world and to discover just how deep, how wide, how long, and how high my Father's love really is for me. Thank You for all your prayers, God has truely blessed me!

Love and Prayers,
Tam.

Hiking and Thanksgiving...

2006-10-07T16:33:00.000-06:00

On top of Mt. Manganui

The View from the Mountain

Eating Potatoes on Thanksgiving

Richelle, Me and Kari

Hey Everyone, here are some more pictures...last week we had Thanksgiving dinner on the ship...it was awesome and definately made me miss home! I really, really miss everyone back home, so if you all get a chance to, you should leave a comment or e-mail me!! Please!! I leave in less than 2 weeks...and I'd love to hear from some of you before I leave! Please continue to pray for me!! And also, there a few people on the other outreach teams who still need a lot of money for their outreaches...so if you could pray that God would provide for them all in that way, that would be awesome, thanks so much!! Take Care Everyone!

Tam.

2 weeks!!

2006-10-04T21:49:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone! Here are more pictures...these are pictures that were taken with some of the girls on my outreach team!! The one on top is of me and my friend Gracie...our outreach team went bowling and so I was pretending to be pregnant. The second one is of me and my Swedish friend Lisa, and the one on the bottom is of me and Amberly...she's Canadian...the 2 of us are the only Canadians on our outreach team! I am doing really good. My DTS has been full of ups and downs but God is teaching me so many things, and I know that my heart and my way of thinking has been changed in so many ways. I'm really looking forward to outreach!! We leave for Tonga in 2 weeks!! It's crazy how time flies!! We'll be in Tonga for 7 weeks, then we come back to Tauranga for a final week, and then i'll be heading back home!! Please remember me in your prayers, it would be so appreciated!! Thank You so much!! Take Care, and God Bless.

Heaps of Love,
Tam.

Some Pictures I've taken in NZ...

2006-09-30T21:34:00.000-06:00

A beautiful New Zealand Sunset...
Flowers and thorns
walking on water
Distress
Great Barrier Island

Orama and Great Barrier Island

2006-09-26T22:05:00.000-06:00

The View from the top of the mountain I climbed...
I was terrified!!

Me and My Ausi friend Richelle

Margie In the Dryer at Orama (on Great Barrier Island)

Kari and Pete (from England) on the top of the mountain we climbed

Me with my new friend Kimberly from Orama

on Great Barrier Island.

So, all these pictures are from last week, we sailed up to Great Barrier Island, New Zealand. It's absolutely Gorgeous there as I'm sure you can tell! It was such an awesome week! There is a place on the Island called Orama. It's a Christian community/center that was used a years ago to run DTS and was also once a small bible college. In 2000 the doors of Orama were locked and the place was abandoned for 5 years. Last year one of the couples who used to help run the place back in the 80's and 90's came back and found that the place was a disaster. So they spent a month cleaning it up and came back about 3 months ago and are still working on cleaning the place up and are hoping and trusting that God will use this place once again. The neat thing about that place was that there was such an incredible sense of God's presence there. I believe God has a special anointing on that place and has great plans for the future of that place and the ministry that will go on there. I also had a sense while I was there that I will someday go back there...God has really given me a heart for Orama. Anyhow, we are now back in Tauranga for another 3 weeks and then I'm off to Tonga for a 7 weeks!! That's all for now, take care and God Bless!!

Heaps of Love,
Tam.

Tonga!

2006-09-04T22:37:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! So, our outreach locations have been determined, there are three seperate teams going out...each team has 2 leaders and 9 students. There is a team going to the Phillipines, there's a team going to Japan, and my team is going to Tonga! That's Tonga in the picture to the left! The teams going to the Phillipines and Japan both have to raise extra funds, I think each person needs near a Thousand Dollars each to cover the cost of their outreach. Mine however, shouldn't cost more, there was a certain amount of money from our school fees that is supposed to cover outreach, but because these two teams are going to countries out of the South Pacific Area the plane tickets cost more than what was budgeted for. So if you can just remember to pray for these teams that would be awesome! And if you can pray for my team, that there would be unity and that God would give us a clear vision of what he wants us to do while we are there and that we would be obedient in following that vision! Thanks for your prayers everyone! I am doing good by the way, God is stretching me in so many ways! I hope to hear from you all soon! Take Care, and God Bless!

Heaps of Love,
Tam.

God Is Soo Cool!

2006-08-26T16:42:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone, this is just a picture I took a few weekends ago in Waihi. So, I've almost been here in New Zealand for a month now. In some ways it's flown by...in other ways it feels like i've been here for so long! This week we were given 3 numbers, 6, 12, and 18, each represented an outreach team. As soon as they put the numbers up the number 12 jumped out at me. And all night it was stuck in my head. We were all supposed to pray about which number we were supposed to be, without mentioning it to anyone else. So that night before I went to bed I was going to read my bible. Before I opened it up I asked God that if 12 was my number, that he would make it clear to me somehow when I opened my bible. And guess what? I opened my bible to Romans 12. All I could think was "wow, God is soo Cool!" So the next morning I handed my number in. We all had to wait until friday though to see which outreach teams we would be on. So friday morning came and my nerves were going crazy! All morning I couldn't focus until finally the news came. There were 3 teams, and in each team was exactly the same amount of people. Each team would have 2 leaders and 9 students. God broke the teams up completely evenly. I was so amazed how God divided the teams up so perfectly! I was blown away and kept thinking "wow, God is soo Cool!" Now that God has determined the teams, we'll be praying as a team to determine where God wants us to go. So, there's just a little update for you all on how things are going for me here in New Zealand. I miss you all and hope that everything is going well back home. And just so you all know, i'd LOVE to hear from you! Take Care, and God Bless!!

Tam.

80's dance party...and other random pics.

2006-08-18T22:04:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone! Here are some more pictures, the first one on the top left is of my small group. We get together every thursday night and hang out and talk about stuff like how our weeks are going and the things God is teaching us and the things we are struggling with. They're an awesome bunch! The second picture on the top right is from last weekend when I was in Waihi, there was another picture on my last post. The two bottom pictures are from last night (Friday, Aug. 18, 2006)...we had an awesome 80's dance party! It was awesome, and I won the "let my hair and sholder pads do the talking" award. It was a crazy fun time!! Anyway, I miss you all!! I hope all is going well at home or wherever you are!! Take Care!!

Heaps of Love,
Tamarah.

Pic's of New Zealand

2006-08-13T20:12:00.000-06:00

The Waterfall at Gideon's Feild

View from Gideon's Feild

The Beautiful beach at Waihi (I spent this past weekend here!)

A bunch of us on a treck into town ( our first weekend on the ship)

My home!

My Birthday in New Zealand!

2006-08-13T19:16:00.000-06:00

Richelle, Me and Emmy

Me and Lisa (she's from Sweden!)

Me and Tanya (my small group leader, she's Ausi!)

Me, Parker (*or Emily), and Samuel (he's also from Sweden!)

Hey Y'all!! So these are some pics from my birthday here in New Zealand, it was an awesome day!! I don't think i've heard the phrase "Happy Birthday Tam" so many times in one day! So far my time here in New Zealand has been awesome. Last week our speaker Jesse Misa spoke on the Father Heart of God, it was a great week, and I can certainly tell you that I'm learning so much already. One of the things that really struck me this week is how God has blessed me. I have an amazing family, and amazing parents, and because of my parents demonstration of love I have a clearer idea of what my heavenly Father's love for me looks like. Anyway, that's a little blurb from me and what's goin' on in the down under! I hope you all are doing great as well, and I'd LOVE to hear from you!! Take Care everyone!!

Heaps of Love,
Tamarah.

I'm a Kiwi!!

2006-07-30T22:41:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone!! Well, I've safely arrived in New Zealand, and so far I'm having a blast!! I've met so many awesome, incredible people since I got here and we're all having a lot of fun together!! It's been really laid back so far and our lectures start tomorrow! I'd love to hear from you all though...so please comment if you get a chance and if any of you don't have my e-mail but want to e-mail me, it's Tamsly_4@hotmail.com ...so yeah, hopefully I'll hear from some of you soon!! Take Care everyone!!

Lots of Love,
Tamarah

Fireworks

2006-07-27T11:46:00.000-06:00

English Bay
Me @ English Bay
The sunset

Well, I've made it safely to abbotsford. Last night I went down to English Bay in Vancouver and watched the fireworks...they were AMAZING! I don't think I've ever seen fireworks this spectacular before!! In just a few minutes I'm leaving for the Vancouver airport and will be on my way to New Zealand. Yesterday I realized something crazy; I don't get a Friday, July 28th this year...
Anyway I hope everyone is doing great, please remember me in your prayers while I travel!! Take care everyone and God Bless!

Tamarah.

5 days?!?!

2006-07-20T15:41:00.000-06:00

That's right...5 days. And "whoa...", is it ever crazy and hard to believe!! These past two weeks I spent a lot of time with my extended family...my Auntie Terry and my cousin Ryan were out from Manitoba and my Uncle Randy and Auntie Doreen and their three girls were out from BC. It was awesome to hang out with all of them. On tuesday I am flying to Abbotsford to stay with my Uncle Randy and Auntie Doreen for two days and then I'll be flying out of Vancouver and on my way to New Zealand. My uncle Randy owns a popular cafe/restaurant in Abbotsford called Afterthoughts...they have amazing desserts there and tons of other great things to eat and drink. They've been awarded the cities #1 dessert restaurant for the past 10 years now. I'm definately looking forward to digging into one of my uncle's delicious cheesecakes! Yum, yum!!

Since my family left on Wednsday morning, I've been busy packing my bags and saying a few good-byes to some of my close friends. Good-byes are never an exciting thing for me...and unfortunately I've only begun. The worst isn't over yet. Today I cleaned my room a bit, and did a little more packing...and all I really have left to do is clean my extremely messy car, and all the morning before packing...the stuff you can't pack a week ahead (you know...toothbrush, facewash...all those things!). I'm definately excited to be going, but saying good-bye to all my family, close friends and well, Ryan, isn't the part I'm excited about. Well, I think that's all I have to say for now, I think this might be the last time I blog until I reach New Zealand, so good-bye for now! Take care, and God Bless!!

Tamarah

Family Pics...

2006-07-20T15:18:00.000-06:00

My pretty little cousin Sezja and I

My cousin Natascha and I

Me with my Bro

Auntie Terry and I

Me with my Daddy

My beautiful little cousin Sezja

My cousin Cambria and I

Me with some of my cousins

Open Hands

2006-07-08T12:42:00.000-06:00

---> I got glasses!!

Hey Everyone! So, it's a little less than 3 weeks now until I leave!! I can't believe how time flies by! I remember 3 months ago when I was saying, "wow, it's only 3 months until I go to New Zealand". I've felt a lot of different things coming up to my trip. At times I've felt scared; mostly just because I have no idea what God is going to do in my life while I'm gone. But I've realized that I was only scared because there were things I was holding onto instead of holding them up to God with open hands. And the moment I decided to just trust God with everything, I no longer felt scared. Now I just feel excited, and so content. If I could ask for one thing from all of you who read this...could you just pray for me while I'm gone and in these last few weeks before I leave that I would always hold my life, and everything in it up to God with open hands. You're prayers would be so much appreciated!! Well, that's all for now, take care, and God bless!

Tamarah

Blessed Beyond Measure

2006-06-19T16:41:00.000-06:00

Alright, so I want to take the time to let you all know how truly blessed I have been! God is amazing, and His love for me is incredible and never-ending. I've been blessed with amazing parents who love and care for me beyond measure. All my life they've been here for me to support me and push me towards God. Their prayers for me have been endless, and I'm so grateful for them. God has also blessed me with the most amazing friends. Maegan, you have always been here for me, through the good and the bad, the tears and the laughter, and whether we are close or far away. Right now you're halfway around the world...we've already spent 4 months apart and I still feel as close to you as when you left. And even though I won't see you until Christmas when I come home, I know that we'll still be the best of friends. Thank-you for your constant encouragement, you are a huge blessing and I love you very much. Natalie, you have also been a huge blessing in my life. You've been there for me when I needed a friend to talk to, you've encouraged me and helped me through some tough times! Thank you for your friendship, thank you for the love you've shown me. You are an amazing friend, and one i'll never forget. You'll always be in my prayers. I love you to bits! Katherine, thank you for all our good talks and for all the coffee breaks at work! You are a constant encouragement to me, and you're always there if I need someone to talk to! Thank you for all the good times, all the laughter and all the memories. You are a beautiful girl, one i'll never forget, and don't worry, I may be leaving, but i'll be home soon, and we'll pick up where we left off! I love you! Bre!! You are such a sweetheart. Thank you for always being so open and honest with me. We've had some awesome heart to heart talks that were always very much needed!! You have been such an encouragement and inspiration to me in so many ways! Thank you for your jokes and all your laughter, you always brighten my day! You are a wonderful girl, and I love you very much!! Carrie, we have been friends for a long time, and we'll be friends for the rest of our lives I'm sure. Thank you for always being here for me through all these years. Even though we haven't always been super close, you've always been someone I can talk to about anything. You are a beautiful girl with a heart of gold. Thank you for all the awesome times we've had, for all the laughter we've shared and all the memories we've made, you are a blessing, and I love you tons!! Landon, this past year has been a blast...and we've had sooo many good times. Thank you for all the laughs, thank you for being there for me and for hanging on even through the rough times. You are an awesome friend, and I'll never forget you. I have no idea what the future will hold, but you once said to me, "we might not live in the same city or country but don't worry, I will never forget about you"...thanks for being an amazing friend! I love you buddy! Ryan, you are amazing, and I'm pretty sure you know how I feel about you! You've been a huge blessing to me, Thank you for everything!! I couldn't ask for more from you!!

There are many others who have been huge blessings to me. All of my friends from church, Kristin Clark, Kyla, Kristen Baran, Dan King, Stephen and Melissa, Josh Peters, thank you, all of you!! Nothing you've done for me has gone unnoticed, I appreciate you all!! Take care, and God Bless!!

Tamarah

"Work without LOVE is Slavery"

2006-06-08T22:09:00.000-06:00

Somehow between the "hussle and bussle", between the "here and there" I forget the simplest, but most important things. I've been reading my bible lately, but most of what I read simply goes into my head but never really enters my heart. Tonight was the last night of Jr. High for the year...and I saw a picture of someone I love, of someone who greatly blessed the youth ministry at Cornerstone, but hasn't been around for the last little while. That picture re-lit a fire in me. So often I busy myself with pointless and meaningless things. Or maybe the things I busy myself with are not so much meaningless, but the purpose that I conduct those things with is meaningless. I so often go through all the motions of my day without love. And because of that, I constantly feel so unfullfilled after the day has come to an end. "work without love is slavery"...those words still ring in my ears. And they're so true. Spending time with my friends will only be spending time with my friends unless I choose to make it more than that by pouring love into it. Everytime I go to work, I go with complete dread, the whole day I think about how I just want the workday to end so I can go home...work without love, will always only be work...boring and dreadful. There's a saying I heard tonight that goes like this, "You'll only get out of something as much as you put in". I need to put more love into the ordinary things I do.

My focus is constantly on myself...I'm always thinking about the things I need to do before I leave for New Zealand, or how little time I have until I leave, but if i spent less time focusing on me and all this stuff...and spent more time just simply loving others, wherever I go, wouldn't God's blessing in my life be so much greater than if I just went through the day like I always do- without God's love being carried out wherever I go? The thing is, nothing I do really matters in the end unless God's love goes with me. We can do all sorts of things, but truely great ordinary things, only come from God's love being poured out in our lives, and through our lives. So, remember to take God with you wherever you go this week, and for the rest of your life. Take care everyone!

Tamarah

Josh and Candice's wedding!

2006-05-21T09:59:00.000-06:00

Ryan and I
Me, Kristan and Kyla!
Candice and Josh!
Kristan and I Dancing!!

Josh and I
Candice, Josh and I...my lips look blue?

So, here are some pictures from Josh and Candice's wedding yesterday!! I hope you all enjoy!!

Through the storm

2006-05-16T22:19:00.000-06:00

okay, so some of the pictures i just posted didn't show up for some reason...so just click on them and they should come up!! Well, i guess since i started writing something i may as well let everyone know how my life has been lately. In some ways it's been awesome, and in other ways it's been terrible. Mostly the terrible part has had to do with work. I've had some trouble with one of my co-workers...for some reason she decided when I first started that she didn't like me...and she just went and talked to my boss and got him to move me onto another shift. I was very upset when I heard I was being put onto another shift. The biggest reason why is that I've become very close friends with Natalie who I've worked with for the past 5 months. And basically we spend TONS of time together because we work on the same shift. Now, I'll hardly see her at all...because our shifts are completely opposite. Leaving her in July was going to be hard enough...but now I will hardly see her in these next two months before I go...i basically started crying just thinking about it. Natalie has had a huge impact on my life...a bigger impact than she might realize. And I'm so grateful that I even had those 5 months with her at all...because it was completely a God thing. And I know that God has used me in her life...and i pray that no matter what happens from here that what has been done will never be undone. God is so faithful...even through the strongest storms that try and shake us. Please pray for me...that I won't be bitter about what has happened...and that I can show God's love to the people on my new shift, and that Mine and Natalies friendship wouldn't fade away. That's all for now...take care and God Bless.

Tamarah

2006-05-16T22:10:00.000-06:00

me and my brother!

2006-05-16T22:09:00.001-06:00

Me, my dad and my two little bros

It's coming so fast...

2006-05-08T14:38:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone...so, lately i've been thinking about how little time i have left here before i leave for New Zealand. It's coming so quick...almost too quick. In a little over 2 months i'll be on a plane on my way to New Zealand. It hardly seems real to me. I mean, I know i'm going there in just 2 months...but it still hasn't really sunk in. I figured out this morning that I only have 4 more "6 days off". Basically those are the days that I live for...because most of the time when i'm not on my 6 days off...i am either working or sleeping. I feel like there's so much i still want to do before I go, and so little time to do it. And leaving all my friends and family behind is going to be hard. And while all of this is exciting, it's also unnerving and kinda scary. But I know that even though leaving home will be hard, I won't regret it. well, that's all for today...later everyone.

Tamarah

Long time, no blog!

2006-04-24T18:02:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been a LONG time since i've posted anything...i guess i haven't really been in a blogging mood for the past month. but i took some sweet pictures today well...my friend natalie took most of them so i thought i'd post them and let you all know that i'm still alive!

This is me and nat down by the river...

Me...

our shadows!!!

Surrendering the matters of the heart

2006-03-29T14:50:00.000-06:00

So i guess you could say that i've had a lot on my heart lately. And there's been a lot of hurting going on. All my life, i've had trouble keeping friends. I don't really know why, that's just the way it's always been. I'd get close to someone, and then they'd just up and walk away. I would never understand why...
Because of this, my whole life i've struggled with feeling unwanted. You know, sure i had people to "hang out" with. But real friends, the kind that would stick by me through any situation were rarely heard of in my life. It's caused a lot of pain deep inside me. It's kind of made me feel like i'm inadequate, or that I'm not good enough. And I know deep down, that that isn't the truth, but it's something i've come to believe at times because of all those times i've been abandoned by those I was closest to. Don't get me wrong, there are a few people who have come along side me and been there for me through it all...but those people have been few and far between (and they've also been huge blessings in my life). I think all of us, in some way can relate to what I'm going through right now. Maybe you're situation is different, maybe you haven't felt unwanted by people like I have, but we all have wounds. Places in our hearts that have been hit over and over again. It's like a foothold for the enemy. And until we surrender these wounds to God, and let him in so that he can heal us...they will always have power over our lives. I thought i had let go of all this pain a long time ago. Trusting God through all this isn't easy...because that means giving up control...letting go of the reigns. And even though it's hard, I know it will be worth it, because up until now the only things in my life that have been amazing and wonderful have all come from God. And if you happen to have time this week...send up a prayer for me...i'd appreciate it. Take care everyone.

Tamarah

Love Never Fails

2006-03-23T09:20:00.000-06:00

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

These verses have never meant as much to me before as they do now. I'm learning what it means to actually love someone. I'm not talking about the gushy, romantic kind of love, I'm talking about just loving people. Your friends, your family...anyone. A few days ago I put up a post that was simply just the words of Mother Theresa...in it are these incredibly powerful words:

I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Ask yourself "How has he loved me? Do I really love others in the same way?” Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. Work without love is slavery.

So how has God loved me? I am imperfect- God loves me still. I nailed him to a cross- He loves me still. I've betrayed him, turned my back on him and STILL- He loves me!! His love for me NEVER ENDS. So how does that mean that I should love others? Up to what point should I offer them unconditional love? Until the end. The verse in 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, "Love NEVER fails". Love never fails...
So that means that when i've been hurt deeply by friend, over and over again, that my love for them should remain the same...love never fails. When someone I love does something that the world would consider unforgivable...love never fails. Real love, has no boundries, has no ending point. It just loves: no matter what. Love always costs, and yes, love may cause pain. But realize this- loving someone, has nothing to do with me. It's about them, and it's about God. Loving a friend, does not mean that they won't fail you, they will. Loving a friend does not mean that they will treat you the same way back. Loving a friend simply means loving them... who they are, no matter what. Love Never Fails.

Words of Mother Theresa...

2006-03-20T15:36:00.001-06:00

A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from his love. Purity, chastity, and virginity created a special beauty in Mary that attracted God’s attention. He showed his great love for the world by giving Jesus to her.

There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them.Love them. Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.

Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness.Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well.

The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is a freedom. It is not mortification, a penance. It is joyful freedom. There is no television here, no this, no that. But we are perfectly happy.

I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Ask yourself “How has he loved me? Do I really love others in the same way?” Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. Work without love is slavery.

Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing.
A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.

Make us worthy, Lord, to serve those people throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands, this day, their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give them peace and joy.I heard the call to give up all and follow Christ into the slums to serve Him among the poorest of the poor. It was an order. I was to leave the convent and help the poor while living among them.

When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.

You and I, we are the Church, no? We have to share with our people. Suffering today is because people are hoarding, not giving, not sharing. Jesus made it very clear. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.Give a glass of water, you give it to me. Receive a little child, you receive me.

Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.

If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

"Like Jesus we belong to the world living not for ourselves but for others. The joy of the Lord is our strength."

Love is Powerful

2006-03-13T12:56:00.000-06:00

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. It does not enable us to escape evil, it makes us unfit to face evil when it comes. It is the interest you pay on trouble before it comes. Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a centre of fear.

Love hurts: to love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping your heart intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness... The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love .... is Hell. To love is to take risks, to expose our hearts. Sometimes it hurts! It hurt Christ, but He kept on loving, even at the cost of His life. He commandedus to love one another (John 15:12). We must keep loving that spouse, that teen, that neighbour or co-worker. It is Christ-like - and it is better than locking your heart away. 'Nothing costs as much as loving except NOT loving.'"

I found this on another blogger's page and thought it was cool. I've realized lately that I have been struggling with loving others, unconditionally. No matter what. Even if they have or are hurting me. I was reading my bible last night and I came across this verse: "Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them." (Romans 12:9) So then what does it mean to really love someone? The truth is, if you really love someone, sometimes that person will let you down, and yes, it might hurt...but isn't love, inspite of all the pain that comes with it, more worthwhile then never loving at all? My struggle is that when someone hurts me...or does something that hurts me, even if it is unintentional, I find myself wanting to take back my heart. To protect it...so that it doesn't experience pain. But that means that if i hold it close and protect it, that it won't experience love either. It's like they say, no pain, no gain. Love is what gives way to life. Love is what starts fires, and keeps them burning. Love is what overcomes sadness and pain. Love is what heals, love is what lifts, and love is what endures all things. How can we not love? Love is a risk...it means you are risking your heart. There are many things we can love. Some of us love movies, some of us love art, some of us love music, some of us love fashion, some of us love working out. It's easy to love those things. Cause they don't cause our heart pain. But people, are not always so easy to love, because people will always let us down. But remember that love is freeing. Love is what makes life worth living. And love has always cost something. The greatest gift we've ever been offered was the gift of love, and the cost was huge. It cost a man his life, and with his life, he carried the weight of the world upon his sholders. His name is Jesus, and because he chose to love- we have been set free. You cannot love without pain, but you cannot be free without love. And love is powerful. Look at Jesus' life, he loved unconditionally. The people he loved, never did anything worthy of his love. Look at Peter, he denied Jesus. Look at Judas, he betrayed Jesus. The truth is that the people you love will do the same thing...but look at what Jesus love did for the world. His love overcame all things...love is powerful.

He shoots, he scores!

2006-03-06T21:11:00.000-06:00

So, tonight I went to my little brother's hockey game with my family! It was pretty fun, and super awesome to watch my little brother play. It kind of makes me wonder why I never went before. I was super proud of him! And even though he's not the best player on the team I was surprised at how good he was! I definately don't spend enough time with my family, that's something I need to work on!
--> This is a picture of me and my mom at the game! I really think I want to try and be a better sister to my brothers. My older brother Jeshaiah and I have no problem getting along...i mean sure we've had our moments, but really, he's super great and I love him a ton, and we have fun hanging out. But I definately need to work on being a good big sister to my little brothers. A lot of the time I just shrug them off or think of them as annoying. And i guess sometimes they can overdue things and get on my nerves, but I could sure learn to be more patient with them, and show them more kindness! And even encourage them, and let them know that i'm proud of them. I wish I had spent more time with my family these past few years...because for the most part I spend all my spare time with my friends, and when i'm at home i sit on the computer, watch tv, or sit in my room and play guitar. And you know, my family is pretty awesome, and sometimes i think I forget that. Maybe lots of us do. I love my family...and I think I want to make sure i get to know them a bit better before I leave for New Zealand this summer. My mom and I were close when I was little and throughout high school I kind of distanced myself from her and my dad. A gap grew between us, and now i have to work on building a bridge over that gap. I think it's slowly taking place, and i'm excited! My best friend Maegan has always had a good relationship with both her parents, and I always wished that it could be like that with me and my parents. But the truth is it doesn't just happen...you actually have to talk to one another and spend time together...something i've been learning lately! Anyway, that's all for now! Take care everyone!
And that's a picture of my little bro playing hockey! He's the one in white...#15!

Tamarah

K Sweet!

2006-03-03T14:20:00.000-06:00

Alright, so this is a picture of me and my friend Natalie! She is such a sweetheart- love her to bits! Anyway, I work with her and we always have sooo much fun. Basically, here's the deal: I'm leaving for New Zealand in five months...my beautiful friend Maegan just left for Australia...and when she first left i thought it was the end of the world...well not really, but sort of. But it's actually kind of cool, cause even though i miss Maegan So Much- God has opened a door for me. Natalie doesn't have a personal relationship with God. Her mom is a Christian...she actually goes to cornerstone! But Natalie has never really had a faith of her own. I don't know exactly what to expect in the five months before I leave...but Natalie and I have been getting to know eachother and it's been super awesome! And she's coming to church this sunday and i'm super excited about it! Here's what I need your help with...I'd like you all to pray for me...and for Natalie, that in this time I have before I leave that I would be able to make an impact on Natalie's life. That somehow maybe I could show her the way to Jesus...even if I could just help her understand more what it means to have a relationship with Jesus, and show her how awesome it is to have a God who loves you more than anyone! That somehow I could show her that life is so much better when you have a purpose that goes beyond yourself. Pray that God would move in Natalie's life in an amazing way. She's a super amazing girl...and i'm so glad i've met her! Anway, that's all for today...take care everyone!

Tamarah

Elizabethtown.

2006-02-25T12:00:00.000-06:00

Okay, so i've seen this movie twice now...the first time i watched it I thought it was okay...i didn't fully understand what the movie was about. But then i watched it again last night...and it began to make a lot more sense to me. What a good movie! Possibly my favourite movie right now. It's such a good story. It starts out with Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom) facing complete failure...the pair of shoes he just designed got rejected by the public...it ended up costing his company $900 million dollars. That's so much money you could almost round it off to $1 billion dollars! Anyway...that's not really the important part. Drew feeling like he'd failed completely decided he had nothing else to live for...so he heads off to his house that night and sets up his exercise bike all ready to go with a sharp, sharp knife in place. He's about to end his life of failure, when the phone rings....and rings, and rings. So he picks it up...and i guess you could say that through death he finds life. He finds out that his dad dies and it becomes his job to go to his dad's hometown and take care of the funeral. He happens to meet this girl on the plane ride there...and she's not just any kind of girl...she's sooo full of life...her name is Claire. I love her character. It's inspireing...and that's what you feel at the end of the movie...or at least that's what i felt...inspired. She's so free and so life giving. She gives a man who thought he had nothing to live for a reason to stick around even in his biggest crisis...failure. I'd just love to be like Claire...to be infectious...and life giving. To be radient and full of joy. Isn't that what God wants us to be? Life giving? Anyway...it's really such a good movie...and besides orlando bloom is in it...if you don't actually enjoy the movie, at least you can still enjoy the view! But really- great story...it's difficult to understand at first, but once you get what the point of the movie is, you'll appreciate it so much more! Well, have a great day everyone, i'm out!

Tamarah

7 Things...

2006-02-24T14:48:00.000-06:00

7 things i would like to do before i die
1. record a full-length album
2. write a book
3. get married
4. become a mother
5. see/travel the world
6. make things right with my dad
7. write a song with Micheal W. Smith/ learn how to play piano!

7 things i can't do (yet)
1. the splits
2. rub my tummy and pat my head at the same time
3. scuba dive...(i tried it...and then i freaked out)
4. snowboard :(5. play piano (i sure wish i could though!)
6. stay focused at a football game...(the cheerleaders are so distracting!)
7. sing and clap (on beat) at the same time...haha.

7 things i say most often
1. shoot!
2. seriously
3. I miss maegan!
4. kay...
5. well, what the heck! (is heck a bad word?)
6. "That's so much funny!"
7. mmm...

7 books i love
1. The bible...(seriously...it's a good book!)
2. Captivating
3. Waking the Dead
4. One Tuesday Morning (so good!!!)
5. I should really read more...
6. I just can't think of another book...
7. oh, A Call to Die was a good one

7 movies u watch over and over
1. Diary of a Mad Black Woman
2. Pride and Prejudice (i've seen it twice since it came out in the theaters...it's so good!)
3. Pearl Harbor
4. The Notebook
5. Our Lips Are Sealed (yeah, yeah...)
6. A Walk To Remember
7. Elizabethtown...(the first time i saw it i didn't really like it, but i watched it again last night and it's sooo good...i think it might be my new favourite movie!!)

Farewell my dear Maegan...

2006-02-19T06:53:00.000-06:00

Alright, so my best friend is on a jetplane right now on her way to Australia. I just got home from seeing her off. Now I'm here at home, trying to figure out, "what am I going to do without my best friend for 10 months?". I miss you already maegan! You see maegan, isn't just any kind of friend...she's actually the best. Like i don't think i could ever find anyone better than her. We have been through a lot of ups and downs in our friendship over the past two years. Things weren't always fine and dandy. Yes, we fought sometimes, and we had our days where we wouldn't talk to eachother cause we were too annoyed with one another. There were times where we let things come between us. And I can't say that it was neccisarily worth it, but it definately made us stronger. At the end of the day, i always knew that maegan would still be there for me if i needed a shoulder to cry on. Maegan has built me up. She's always been there for me to put me back on track in those times where i'd lost my way. She's always been there to encourage and lift me up when i was down or discouraged. I could always count on maegan for cherring me up if i needed it...she was always good at that. And oh the memories...we sure knew how to have fun. Whether it was off-roading in Evan's jeep, modeling the "protector", cruzing around with friends, taking pictures with animals, quading at greg's farm, making random phone calls, writing and singing songs together, talking till 4am about boys and God, or just simply watching a movie or listening to some music. We were always having fun...always laughing! Our past two years have been well documented- that's for sure! Especailly the past 6 months! And even though Maegan is now on her way to Australia, and I won't see her for the next 10 months...I know that we'll always be the best of friends. Friends like Maegan are the kind of friends you still have when you're old and wrinkly. I can't even imagine what my past two years would have been like without her. God has blessed me so much by giving me such an amazing friend. Maegan is the most beautiful woman I know...she really is. She has a heart of gold. Maegan I LOVE YOU from the BOTTOM of my HEART! I know that you will have an awesome time in Austrailia...and even though i'm gonna miss you SO MUCH, it'll be so worth it! I love you, I love you, I love you!

Lots of hugs and Love,
your best friend always,
Tamarah

something that got me thinking....

2006-02-08T17:49:00.000-06:00

<---- I got a a hair cut!!
Okay, so lately i've been frustrated a lot with how my view on things is so different than all my friends view on things. Sometimes I look at the things they do and wish they would see things my way. Then, last night after thinking about this, i turned to this chunk of scripture in my bible. Just randomly. It talks about how everyone will see things differently. And how what is wrong for me might not be wrong for someone else. It goes on to say that someone might have a problem with eating meat, while someone else may not. And even though one person sees eating meat as "wrong", it doesn't mean that it is, it's just that if they believe it's wrong then for them to do so would not be right. I guess what I've been struggling with is the whole drinking thing. Two of my closest friends just recently turned 19. I have a problem with drinking and the whole bar scene...but that's something that is personal to me. And just because i see it as being wrong, doesn't mean that they will. The passage goes on to say this: "So why do you condemn another Christian? Why do you look down on another Christian? Remember, each of us will stand personally before the judgment seat of God. [...] Yes each of us will have to give a personal account to God. So don't condemn eachother anymore. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not put an obstacle in another Christian's path." (Romans 14:10, 12) So yeah, this basically just came and hit me over the head and me think, "what are you doing tamarah?" It's not my job to condemn somone for doing something that isn't right for me...and it's not my job to condemn someone for doing something that isn't right for them. That is up to God to do. It's a really great chunk of scrpiture though and if you get the chance you should check out the whole chapter (Ephesians 14)! It's a gooder. Well, that's all for tonight, God Bless!

Tamarah

2006-02-03T18:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, so this is a picture of me at the forestry farm earlier today. Okay, so i'm not for real...it's actually me and the deer at maegan's house! haha...yeah, we were having some fun today. We kind of discovered that we are really, really crazy and weird. I kind of think everyone is like that though with the people they are most comfortable with. We do crazy-insane things that we normally wouldn't. I mean really...if you only saw us dancing! (okay, so maybe it's more if you only saw me dancing...) haha.

so anyway, enough about the picture...

here's something that I thought was pretty interesting. I was reading my bible the other night and i came apon this passage in Hebrews. Basically, Paul is writing to the hebrew church about how they are called to grow spiritually. In Chapter 6, Paul says this: " For it is impossible to restore to repentance those who were once enlightened-- those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come-- and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people to repentance aganin because they are nailing the Son of God to the cross again by rejecting him; holding him up to public shame." Wow. That's all I could think after i finished reading that. Do we actually think when we reject God by turning away from him and walking in the ways of this world, that we are actually not just rejecting him, but nailing him to the cross again and holding him up to public shame? Cause that's exactly what we are doing. I think those words that paul wrote are powerful. How many times do I knowingly turn away from God? And if I actually thought about turning away from God the way that Paul descriebes in Hebrews 6, would I still do it as often and knowingly as I do? Just something to get you thinking. Good-bye for now.

-Tamarah

2006-01-29T15:54:00.000-06:00

Maegan and me looking out across the river.

Time to Forgive

2006-01-29T14:49:00.000-06:00

So last night, i decided that it's time to finally forgive my dad (who was an alcoholic) for whatever it is that i've been holding against him for so long. The thing is i don't even know what it is that i've been holding against him this whole time. Sure he chose alcohol instead of my mom, my brother and I. I never really even knew him. But I was bitter towards him for reasons i've never known. Maybe it's because i felt betrayed by him. But when i think about how my life has turned out, i should really thank him. God has blessed me so much because of my parent's divorce. My mom remarried when I was 5 and my home became whole again. God has blessed me with a Godly father who loves me a lot. I don't really know who I would be today if things had turned out differently. I'm begginging to realize that sometimes the things in our lives that seem so tragic at the time, turn out to be great blessings from God.
I've been bitter about a lot of things lately...like broken relationships. I've become bitter towards the people who have hurt me. But I don't want to be bitter, because as long as I am bitter I haven't forgiven those people. My Dad made a mistake a long time ago...I can't blame him forever...and if anything I should be blaming him for my happiness. Bitterness is something we choose...and so is forgiveness. I don't want to choose bitterness anymore...cause for one thing, it doesn't make you feel good, and for another thing, it isn't fair to those who have hurt you...even if you think they don't deserve anything else. We all make mistakes sometimes. If i made a mistake (and I have...many, many times) I would want to be forgiven. So how can I expect others to forgive me if i don't forgive? The best thing about forgivness is that it's freeing. All that bitterness and pain that we hold inside is let go. And it feels so much better than being hurt and bitter and upset. Well, that's all for today...take care, and God Bless!

Tamarah

2006-01-23T15:39:00.000-06:00

so maegan and I already have our picture for the cover of our album! Yeah, that's right, the one we don't have! haha.

2006-01-23T15:07:00.001-06:00

Dang! Great picture of landon.

2006-01-23T15:05:00.000-06:00

this one is my favourite!

2006-01-23T15:04:00.000-06:00

this one is a little blury...but i like it!

2006-01-23T15:03:00.000-06:00

maegan and I on the train bridge

2006-01-22T20:08:00.000-06:00

So, apparently things are always changing. One day it is warm out and the next day it is freezing cold. One day something makes sense and the next day it does not. One day everything seems perfect and the next day everything is a disaster. Our plans fail and we have to change them. Our feelings towards people change. Our relationships change...and people change. People are always changing. Their ideas, their dreams, their beliefs. One thing that always remains the same, that is always constant is God, and his love for us. No matter how many times we fail him, no matter how many times we turn and walk away, His love is always there. What an awesome thing to know...

God does not expect us to be superheros. He expects us to make mistakes. And maybe our hearts are not always in line with his, but he still keeps calling and he loves us just the same. Yep, God is pretty awesome. Even when I am not. Just remember that no matter how far you have walked away that God will ALWAYS be there to bring you back into his arms of Grace. God bless and Take Care.

Tamarah

Random

2006-01-21T19:10:00.000-06:00

So...Maegan's leaving soon...this makes me sad. Otherwise I'm good apparently I ate too much food today.